Begging for the Beautiful

Sooo I really did mean to post again last month! I wrote a poem and everything and then... it was May? April was full of fun/overwhelmingly busy and my writing has suffered for it. Does that ever happen to you? You fall too far away from your creative self and it becomes harder and harder to clamber back to your internal world?

Good news is, I figured out my next project! It's still very much in the planning phase, but it feels good to have a world to slip away to again.

In the meantime, I wrote this poem. I'm not a very political person, but recent(ish) events inspired this one.

Begging for the Beautiful

The World’s come untethered

It wobbles off its axis

Writhing

Wailing

Screeching

for someone to cling to

as it spirals into darkness

The Sky is burning

Flames lick the stars while black smoke

blooms

Like a shroud veiling

The horizon

The Sea is a skeleton

Ridges and fissures and broken bits

of bone

Exposed

Roasting

Unshielded from the sun

The Earth is dusty

It remembers 

the color green

the tall grass buzzing with bees and butterflies

And yearns for that thumping pulse

the tread of your feet

The People are weeping

Bruised and bloody

on their knees

Begging for the Beautiful that the world

had promised

The goodness they were meant to see

You’re searching
But you cannot find the Beautiful

Beeeeeee Yourself

So as I sat down to write this post, I accidentally clicked "new blog" instead of the little pencil button used for creating posts. Yep. It's been that long. *face palm*

What have I been doing with my life, you ask? Writing. Lots and lots of writing. Between the Day Job and the Writing Cave, I haven't made much any time for blogging. And I figure that's okay, because in the end, I write to publish books, not blogs. Well. I suppose I'm going to publish this post as soon as I finish it but… well you get the point.

I've actually been putting this post off for awhile. I mean, what could I possibly say after so long of an absence? Well, I've been thinking a lot of self-doubt.

We all have it. I bet you even J.K. Rowling had it when she decided to write a novel for adults. Write something that isn't Harry Potter? How? The key is to not let it get the better of us. We have to be brave, look our ugly internal voices in the eyes (or mouths?) and not give up. Because that would be the easy thing to do, wouldn't it? Just give up. You wouldn't have to laugh nervously when someone asks you what you're doing with all your free time since you're too busy to hang out with them. You wouldn't get caught zoning out in the middle of a conversation because someone said something to dislodge your writer's block. And maybe for once, just ONCE you could do all your laundry AND fold it.

(Yes, that's all clean. This happens to other people, right?)

The thing is, we don't write because it's easy. We write because we're writers. It'd be like telling a fish not to swim. But even knowing that, it doesn't mean there's not that little voice in the back of our heads whispering that we're crazy for trying.

Here's the thing I've been struggling with lately: accepting my voice. Don't get me wrong. I like my voice. It's what makes me, me. But you read these great books with sexy, edgy voices who aren't afraid to "tell the truth" and sometimes I'm a little envious. I'd like to be as brave as that. So I start thinking, how can I make my book edgier? Maybe I'll kill my MC's mom, or maybe I'll give her a tattoo, or a nose-ring...

This is why we write in drafts.

I'm not an edgy person. My dark side gets about as dark as dark chocolate. And I have to remind myself that that's OKAY. That's not me. If I tried to be edgy and gritty when my MC and I are not, well for starters, it would sound ridiculous, as you can see. But also, it wouldn't be my truth. And that's what we have to remember. Write what feels right to you. That's not to say don't push yourself or broaden your horizons, but don't try to change your voice just because something's in style. Do that and it will sound absurd. It will sound forced. Besides, don't you want to be able to look at your baby and say with pride, without a shred of doubt, "I WROTE that!" with no one else's words but your own?

As Genie said in the Disney masterpiece, Aladdin, "Beeeeeeee yourself." :-D

Do you struggle with self-doubt? How do YOU silence it?

Why Do You Write?

*WARNING: this post may contain sentimental themes inappropriate for cynics

The simple and probably boring answer would be because I have to. That I can’t help it. And while that’s all good and true… for me, it’s more than that.

I have one sibling. She’s ten. And happens to be every bit as much of a bookworm (read: nerd) as I am. *cheers*

I’ve been staying at my mom’s house for the past week. There are many advantages to this. Free food… not having to cook said free food… clean laundry… and my sister. We started reading a book together last weekend, taking turns chapter by chapter (yes, using strange voices). So far, it’s proved to be a very good book, and has enchanted my sister so far as to inspire her to draw pictures of the main characters, and start writing a new story of her own.

This is why I write.

And maybe why I love writing children's fiction. Adults are better at disguising their inspiration, or talking themselves out of it. But with kids, they get an idea and just go for it. They’re a lot braver in that sense. And so much more willing to try new things. And that’s why I write. To inspire others. Because I still feel that sometimes. And I know there are very few feelings that rival this falling-so-deeply-in-love-with-a-piece-of-art-that-you’re-inspired-to-create-your-own thing. And I hope that some day some kid will feel this after reading one of my books.

Why do you write?

La Germinal

I’ve been a bit MIA for the past few weeks, and I’ve missed you all! *waves* I recently started a new job and I’ve been taking some time to settle in, adjust to the new schedule and all that.

And yes, that includes a break from writing. *quivers*

It’s interesting. Before I started working again I’d hit a sort of slump, writing-wise. I had a few story ideas rolling through my head while I edited my current WIP, but I wasn’t in love with any of them. And then one day, riding the L home from work… POOF! NEW STORY EXTRODINARE! I haven’t done anything with it yet. I usually like to mull the idea around for a little bit before I actually start writing it. And I’m trying to be a bit more organized this time. IE come up with the plot before I get half-way through.

O_O

Heh… Yeah. I’m a dreamer.

But really, it’s amazing what can come to you when you’re crammed like a sardine in a subway car. And by that, I mean, when you’re out actually EXPERIENCING things. Sometimes I forget that my imagination needs a little fuel, and that doesn’t always come from sitting in front of a computer screen.

I also notice that my inspiration level depends on the time of the year. Maybe it’s coincidence, but the last three books I’ve written have all been started at some point during the spring. The time of rebirth and rejuvenation. I guess it makes sense. I think a lot of writers are more sensitive to things like environment and seasonal changes. *listens for crickets* No? Just me?

 

I love this time though. The time before I actually sit down and start writing, when the idea is just a seed that can grow into absolutely anything. I’m curious though. Does the time of year affect you at all? How do you come up with your story ideas? Do they just come to you or do you actively brainstorm? Do you enjoy the brainstorming or do you feel panicked without a plan? I’d love to hear from you!