Showing posts with label Hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hope. Show all posts

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Heartbreaking Quiet

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted. Again. I feel like every time I post on here, I'm apologizing for that. But I've been hard at work writing book-shaped things, so I've chosen to let this blog thing fall by the wayside.

I've gone back and forth on whether I should even keep it at all. The thing is, I always sort of envisioned this as a writing advice blog. But, I find I'm always struggling to come up with things to talk about. And who am I to give you advice, anyway?

I'm one of those people who *always* thinks before they speak, and frequently talks themselves out of saying anything at all. Classic INTJ, I know. But there are things I WANT to talk about. Important things, things rooted deep within my heart. But in the end, I won't have any real answers. And I honestly don't feel qualified to pretend to. So I've decided to express myself in another way.

I'm constantly jotting down poems and doodling in notebooks (habit from my days as a teenage cliche, I suppose) so I'm going to use this space to share those things with you. Starting now. Hope you enjoy!

Heartbreaking Quiet


In the silence of night
It aches
Like a bruise
Tiny hearts bursting
Stars beneath your skin

A shuddering sigh
Shadows cup the raw pulp of something warm
Something beating
Whispering dark, quiet things
Lonely things
Ramparts to your strength

Words are sand to your dry mouth
And silence plump dewdrops cradled
In the folds of a flower
They warn you
Yours is a half-formed wisdom
So moor it to your forsaken place
The graveyard for all your maiden ships

These wilds
They never taught you to remember

They leave you in the rushes
Flayed and swollen
From when they reached inside to touch it
But they’ll never touch it
Because they don’t understand what they feel

The tadpole cocooned inside a web
All you wanted was to fly



Wednesday, January 26, 2011

What Makes You Stronger

One of my goals for the new year was to start a blog. And here I am, not even into February and I’m already doing it. *pats self on back* Honestly, other than being busy finishing my WIP, it’s only taken me so long because I’m convinced I have nothing worthwhile to say. That might seem strange, me being a writer and all, but I write FANTASY. I make things up. It’s what I’m good at. And this writing about real stuff thing? It’s kind of wigging me out. So if I start telling you guys about how I met a fire-breathing, pink-spotted, pint-sized talking giraffe yesterday, I apologize. Old habits die hard. But hopefully it’ll be something less lame than what I just mentioned.
            Anyway, I thought I’d christen my blog with a post for you guys get to know a little bit about me. Once upon a time, on a dark and stormy night in 1987, I was born… just kidding. Let’s skip ahead 22 years.
            I started writing my current WIP about a year ago. I was working at the time as a hostess in a fancy Italian restaurant. Not exactly my dream job, but it paid the rent. And then the best possible thing happened to me. No, I didn’t find an agent or get published (yes, that would have been better, but I wasn’t ready for that yet). I got sick.
            I have either Crohn’s Disease or Ulcerative Colitis, the doctors aren’t sure. They’re basically the same thing, anyway. And I was in the middle of a terrible flare-up (that’s what they call it when the disease is active). I can’t really explain the hell that is a flare, but imagine this. The moment you walk into a store, a restaurant, a museum, you make plans. You chart your course to the nearest bathroom in you head, and you hope it isn’t one with a single stall. Just in case there’s a line.
            It doesn’t sound like the greatest thing ever, I know, but I’m getting there. So when you hit that rock bottom, where every day is an absolute struggle and all you want to do is crawl into bed and hide for the rest for your life but you can’t because you still have to run to the bathroom every fifteen minutes, something happens. Or at least, something happened to me.
            Let me back up just a bit. I wrote a novel for my senior thesis and hadn’t written anything since. Not a single word. I’d hit a dry spell. My mind was an inspirationless desert. (yes I will be making up words, get used to it) For almost a year. And that’s a long time for me to go without writing.
            So amidst my sick fog, I decided that that was enough. I needed to start writing again. And like that, some of the fog lifted. I had an idea. Now, let me clarify. Health-wise, I wasn’t getting better. If anything, I was getting worse. I was going to the doctor’s every other week it seemed, conferencing, getting tests, trying to get this thing under control. And eventually, my doctor decided to put me on prednisone.
            For those of you that don’t know, prednisone is a medicinal steroid that makes you swell up like a balloon. And a less common side-effect, it makes my joints swell too, which made it really hard to stand all day. So I quit my job.
            Long story short, I was determined, and I wrote a 130,000 word novel in about three months. Yikes, I know. After several revisions, it is now 79,000 words, a much more respectable number for YA fantasy, let me assure you.
            And I’ve begun THE PROCESS. *shudders*
            Only year later and I feel worlds away from where I was last year. I’m healthy. And I’m hopeful. And I’ve started a blog.
            Have you guys ever hit a low that made you stronger? I’d love to hear about it!