Sunday, March 20, 2011

Show Me the Voice Contest!

Hey guys! Have you signed up for Brenda Drake's Show Me the Voice Contest yet? If you haven't, hurry up and do it! It's an awesome way to get crits from your peers. And winners get critiques from lit agent Natalie Fischer!

Anyway, here's my entry. I'd love some feedback!  
Because of everyone's EXCELLENT feedback, I've made a few changes. Namely, the opening sentence/paragraph. But a few alterations throughout, as well. So, the updated version is in bold below. Scroll all the way down if you're interested in comparing it to the original (in black).

Title: Cloudburst
Genre: YA Fantasy

For me, blue has never been a peaceful color. It’s the color of water. And a blaring neon reminder of the things I can, but shouldn’t do.
            I was having an even harder time than usual resisting those things this morning.
I glared at the beads of condensation rolling down the window. The itch was strong enough to make my hands shake. I stretched my fingers and rubbed my palms across my jeans. I wouldn’t give in.
A fat droplet caught my eye. It oozed down the glass, shedding a thin, wet trail. It gorged on the smaller beads and ballooned.
Any minute now, it would burst.
I gripped the window frame. A sweat broke across my back. I ached with anticipation.
There was a place in my chest, just below the ribcage that hummed whenever I was near water. Now it swelled to a throb.
I licked my lips. Another bead and the droplet was too heavy. It pealed away from the glass. A shudder raked my spine. It spattered. I felt the jolt deep in my gut.
I sighed; a sound so low it was almost a moan.
            “Nervous?”
I flinched. Forcing a smile, I spun and looked at Mom.
She didn’t see, did she? What would she have seen? I didn’t even do anything. And even if I had, she wouldn’t notice. She wouldn’t know what to look for.
I swallowed the lump that’d lodged itself in my throat. “Why would I be nervous?”
            “First day of your Junior year? Seems like a pretty good reason to me.”
            Oh, that. I shrugged. “Maybe a little.”

And here's the original:

I glared at the drops of condensation rolling down the window. They shimmered in a way that had nothing to do with the sun. In a way I always suspected only I could see.
At least, I don’t know anyone else who has these urges.
A fat droplet caught my eye. It oozed down the glass, shedding a thin, wet trail. It gorged on the smaller beads and ballooned.
Any minute now, it would fall. Burst.
I gripped the window frame. A fevered sweat broke across my back. My heart sped with anticipation.
There was a place in my chest, just below the ribcage that hummed whenever I was near water. Now it swelled to a throb.
The droplet consumed another cluster of dew. I licked my lips. Another bead and it was too heavy. It pealed away from the glass. A shudder raked my spine. It spattered. I felt the jolt deep in my gut.
I sighed; a sound so low it was almost a moan.
            “Nervous?”
I jumped. My cheeks burned. I forced a smile as I spun and looked at Mom.
She didn’t see, did she? What would she have seen? I didn’t even do anything. And even if I had, she wouldn’t notice. She wouldn’t know what to look for.
I swallowed the lump that’d lodged itself in my throat. “Why would I be nervous?”
            “First day of your Junior year? Seems like a pretty good reason to me.”
            Oh, that. I shrugged. “Maybe a little.”

Thursday, March 17, 2011

First Chapters

First chapters are hard, right? RIGHT? Good. Glad we’re all in agreement. Because let’s be honest, a first chapter can make or break a book. Or at least they determine whether someone keeps reading.

The funny thing about first chapters is that they’re usually the last ones we write. Your book probably isn’t ‘done’ until you’ve rewritten the first chapter about fifty times. Maybe that’s hyperbole. Maybe not. *shuffles in front of over-flowing trashcan* *kicks crumpled pieces of paper under desk*

We have to pack so much stuff into them… but at the same time make it look like we haven’t. A dash of back-story. BUT NOT TOO MUCH because people will lose interest. Action, but not too much of that either. You gotta make your readers care about your characters before you send them to the guillotine. You don’t want them saying, “sure, hack off that head, I don’t care.”

So how do you do that? How do you make them care? Is it internal dialogue? External dialogue? Setting? Descriptions? Action? Tension? Characterization? Voice?

I think it’s different for every book. It’s the way you sprinkle all those different aspects in, like your very own recipe. But I think every good first chapter has at least a little bit of all of those. It’s finding the right balance. And of course, it all really does boil down to character. You’re basically asking your readers to take a really long road trip with your characters. Do you think they’ll agree to get in the car without knowing them first? And if it looks like you crammed too much into the back seat, or if the air-conditioning is broken, or if the radio’s busted so it only gets AM stations? Well then, good luck. The only one who’s gonna get in is that creepy-looking hitchhiker standing there with his chainsaw.

What do you think makes a good chapter? What keeps you reading? And what makes you want to stop?

Monday, March 7, 2011

Birthday Sweets

Hi everyone! Just a few announcements. For those of you who didn't hear my excited squeals all the way from Chicago (in wherever you are) over the weekend, today is my birthday! Being the generous creature that I am, I've decided to share it with... MY NEW WEBSITE! Check it out. I'm painfully proud. Even though the site seems to be having updating issues today... that or that typo I'm trying to get rid of really wants to stay.

I also received a sweet award over the weekend. Literally. Thanks to Morgan Lee over at FantasyFairy, I'm now a proud new owner of the Irresistibly Sweet Blog Award!


Now, of course there are a few fun rules that come with accepting this award.

1. Thank and link back to the person that gave this award.
2. Share 4 guilty pleasures that you have.
3. Pass the award along to 6 other sweet blogs

So thanks again, Morgan!

Now for the part you've all been waiting for, I know... My guilty pleasures! I'll be honest, I don't feel too guilty about these, but I've decided that I probably should.
  1. Chocolate. Of any sort. Cookies, cake, candy. I limit myself, but sometimes the craving us just too strong.
  2. Coffee. I love the taste. It's hard on my stomach, so I try not to drink it, but sometimes it just can't be helped.
  3. Sweaters. Date night? This bulky turtleneck doesn't make me look that frumpy. And if it does? Sorry, Sweetie.
  4. Writing. Now, that's only recently become a GUILTY pleasure. And only because lately I've had so many other things I should have been doing instead. But... I don't feel that bad about it.

Now, I’d like to pass this award onto:

  1. Barbara Kloss over at Scribbles & Jots 
  2. Sarah J. Schmitt
  3. Lori M. Lee at You are the Unicorn of My Dreams
  4. Erica M. Chapman at Laugh.Write.Play
  5. Diana Paz
  6. Demitria Lunetta
Thanks for stopping by and have a Happy Monday!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Contest Alert!

Hey you guys! There's a really great contest going on over at Beyond Words right NOW. Agent Michael Carr is doing the judging, and it's open to the first 75 entries so go get yours in! Here are the rules:

1) The contest is now live!
2) It will be capped at the first 75 entries or, if we don't get 75 entries, it'll cut off at Midnight GMT on the 7th March.
3) You have to be a follower of my blog to enter.
4) You have to blog about this contest and post your link along with the twitter pitch. (If you don't have a blog, then Twitter or
Facebook will do. But only if you don't have a blog - not instead).
5) Alongside your 140 twitter pitch (you'll be disqualified if it's longer) you'll be asked to submit the first three sentences of your manuscript - so make sure they're polished and ready to go!
6) Once the contest opens, it'll be first come first serve to enter. Anything after 75 entries won't be counted.

Pretty great, right? So what are you waiting for?!